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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24784588">when i'm bitten by the lonely (you can get to know me)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/strawberriesandcream/pseuds/strawberriesandcream'>strawberriesandcream</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>no matter how hard i try, this is only ever gonna end in my demise [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>House M.D.</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Bad Flirting, Dirty Jokes, Friends With Benefits, Greg House Being an Asshole, Greg House is Bad With Emotions, Implied Sexual Content, James Wilsons A+ Advice, M/M, Pre-Canon, Pre-Slash, Robert Chase Being Confused, Sexual Tension, Very Dirty Jokes, australia jokes, cameron is tryna do her job, chase is stupid, except for maybe cameron, except there really is no advice, house cares but half cares, house fires the problem, house is back on his bullshit, house is horny and cant deal with that, in case u cant tell, no one is trying their best, poor wilson and cuddy they have to deal with him, rated for language, what do u do when u have problems</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 09:34:52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,810</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24784588</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/strawberriesandcream/pseuds/strawberriesandcream</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>House had a problem, and that problem was 5'10, Australian, and unbelievably obscene with his pens. </p><p>or;</p><p>How House and Chase got involved.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Robert Chase/Greg House</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>no matter how hard i try, this is only ever gonna end in my demise [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1792645</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>131</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>when i'm bitten by the lonely (you can get to know me)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hey y'all!! thank you so much for reading! this is my first House fic so please give me all the feedback you can! i'm always looking to improve my writing. this fic is pre-canon, it starts four months into chase's first year and ends four months later, so eight months into chase's first year. which is why foreman isn't in this fic, because he starts three days before episode one. please stay safe with the protests, corona or just life in general!</p><p>xoxo, ollie</p><p>title from "Glowing in the Dark" by The Girl and The Dreamcatcher</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was four months in when House realized he just might have a problem. Chase was his problem to be exact. The Australian was infiltrating his thoughts in the worst ways, House couldn’t keep his thoughts from straying. The way Chase’s lips covered the pen he had in his mouth. House’s mind spaced as he imagined Chase’s mouth being put to better use. If House was being honest he didn’t know why they were at work, they didn’t have a case and House didn’t want to start a new one when Chase was enough of a distraction. </p><p> </p><p>“Nine letters. Words for a sexy person?<em> ” </em>Chase asked, House was too busy silently remarking how pretty Chase’s eyes were in the sun. Chase looked at House, waving his hand in the air. “House?” House looked up quickly.</p><p> </p><p>“Huh?” Chase raised an eyebrow. House gave him a look, “Sorry, I was focusing on how ugly your face is.” Chase rolled his eyes and turned back to his crossword. “What did you say, wombat?” He asked, he needed to get this over with so he could talk to Cuddy. Tell Cuddy he needed to fire Chase.</p><p> </p><p>“Nine letters. Words for a sexy person?” Chase repeated, staring at House again. It had become the norm; in between the time they waited for cases, they sat in House’s office and Chase did his crossword. House stared at Chase and helped when possible, he didn’t know when they entered that routine, but it became one. If anyone asked Chase, Chase would say he hated the guy, but they both knew he didn’t.</p><p> </p><p>“Hot number,” House told him. Chase shrugged with a small ‘hm”, before writing it down quickly. He went back to his crossword, and the two of them went back into silence, and House went back to staring. Until it became too much and he needed to get out. House stood abruptly, causing Chase to look up in confusion. “I’m gonna talk to Cuddy.” </p><p> </p><p>As House limped to Cuddy’s office he couldn’t get the thoughts of Chase out of his head. His stupid (adorable) accent, his lips that look so soft and plump, House can’t help but imagine what they would feel like pressed against his. His hair, that’s such a pretty color blonde, and House just wants to run his hands through it (although that’s far too intimate a move for him). His natural conversation with Chase where House can insult him and Chase doesn’t get mad. Chase’s wit and his ability to give it right back. What House really wanted, was to see Chase naked. However, he knew that was far out of his reach.</p><p> </p><p>House barged into Cuddy’s office. Upon seeing her on the phone, he did what any sane person who was having a crisis over wanting to fuck his subordinate. He hung up the phone for her. Cuddy gave him a dark look. “Have you come to tell me you’re making up your clinic hours?”</p><p> </p><p>House shook his head, fake gagging. He would never go to the clinic, that would mean actually talking to people. He was not into that at all. “Of course not, I’m not gonna do unnecessary work.” </p><p> </p><p>Cuddy sighed. House was a problem sometimes, but he was her best doctor, so what was she going to do? Force him to listen? He can’t listen even when he’s interested. “Then, why are you here?” She asked, he huffed. Cuddy looked up at him for her seat, waiting for him to talk.</p><p> </p><p>“I wanted to see you, because I missed you, oh so much,” He said sarcastically. Cuddy stared at him waiting for his actual need. House paused for two seconds before looking at her, “I need to fire Chase.” Cuddy looked taken back for a second, House and Chase were good with each other, Chase might be the only other person besides Wilson who can deal with House.</p><p> </p><p>“Why?” House glared at her. Couldn’t she just trust him? He mulled it over in his mind, maybe it was best she didn’t trust him actually. He gave her a look, telling her to elaborate. “Why do you need to fire Chase? Did he do something wrong?” She paused for a second, “Do you even have a case right now?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes,” House started. Cuddy stared at him, pointing to her door and wordlessly telling him to go do his job. “The case is that I need to fire Chase. The why is not important.” Cuddy stood up, collecting papers. </p><p> </p><p>“No,” She started simply. House limped after her. Following her as she walked around her office, collecting papers and a clipboard. </p><p> </p><p>“No? What do you mean no?” House gave her a disgusted look, she began to leave her office, House travelling behind her. Cuddy shrugged as she hung a left and began to walk down a hallway.</p><p> </p><p>“I mean, no.” House waited, he wasn’t used to being told no. Especially by Cuddy. “Chase is good for you. There’s two of you now, and you get better work done. You can’t fire Chase.” House glared harshly at her. If looks could kill Lisa Cuddy would be ash on the floor, that being said, so would House. “Now, if you’re not here to tell me you’re making up your clinic duty, shoo. I have a meeting.” With that, she disappeared into a conference room.</p><p> </p><p>House stuck out his tongue like the literal child he is and mocked her to himself, before limping himself to Wilson’s office. He opened the door, thankful that Wilson wasn’t dealing with any patients. He collapsed on Wilson’s couch. “I need to fire Chase.”</p><p> </p><p>Wilson didn’t look up from his work before answering. “Good morning to you too, House.” He sighed before looking up at House. “Why?” House threw his hands up in the air, with a huff he glowered at Wilson. </p><p> </p><p>“What is it with you and Cuddy not trusting me?” The look that Wilson gave House caused House to recoil, “Okay, I understand.” Wilson nodded in response, and continued to ask him to elaborate. “Again, the why is not important. It just needs to happen.” Wilson sighed aloud, tossing a file aside.</p><p> </p><p>“Since when have you asked Cuddy for permission on things like this?” Wilson asked, House sucked in a tentative breath. Great, now Wilson would psychoanalyze this. House recalled the last time he fired someone, it was without Cuddy’s permission. “You fired Sinclair within two days, and Jefferson made it three hours.” </p><p> </p><p>The difference with those two was House’s lack of emotional connection. He didn’t care about Sinclair, and Jefferson was annoying and stupid. Both were Cuddy hires, House insisted he fired them to spite Cuddy, but no. He just didn’t like them. So Cuddy let him pick his next fellow. And pick he did, he picked the witty Australian who had his doctor daddy call Cuddy. Was it too late to have buyers remorse? </p><p> </p><p>House stayed silent for a couple of seconds. “I’m asking Cuddy so hopefully she doesn’t make me hire a new duckling.” Cuddy always would. <em> Always. </em>Wilson laughed to himself, causing House to glare at him very quickly. “Maybe, she’ll think I’m maturing.”</p><p> </p><p>Wilson hummed in response. “You’re never mature.” House flipped him off, to which Wilson responded with a small smile. Wilson let out a little gasp. “Oh! I get it.” House cocked his head to the side. “You asked Cuddy because you knew she’d say no.” House scoffed loudly and shook his head. “You don’t actually want to fire Chase, do you?” </p><p> </p><p>“Yes. That’s the whole point. I’m here to complain to you because I want to fire Chase.” House gave Wilson a look, wordlessly asking if he was dumber than he looked. Wilson brushed him off with a small laugh. </p><p> </p><p>“Is this the game point where you lie to me and I have to pretend you’re telling the truth?” Wilson asked. House knew he was being sarcastic but huffed in response. </p><p> </p><p>“Fuck you. You’re no help.” House growled. Wilson grinned. The fucking asshole. Can’t he listen? House flipped him off once more for good measure and hobbled out of the oncologist’s office.</p><p> </p><p>House wound up back in his office, glad to see that Chase had left the outer office. The crossword was left on the desk, and Chase’s lab coat was nowhere to be seen. For the first time that day, he relaxed. He sat in his chair, and reached for the red and grey tennis ball.</p><p> </p><p>The tennis ball that House had had for years, but somehow ended up being shared between him and Chase. The younger often used to when discussing things, and sometimes just played with it. Similar to how House did with processing it. </p><p> </p><p>Great, now House couldn’t even process without thinking about the Australian. House sighed loudly, ducking his head and rubbing his temples. He was so totally screwed.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Sixty days, two months, eight cases later, House was forced to hire a new duckling. He hadn’t been able to fire Chase (logically he knew he had no reason to fire Chase but he needed to stop lusting over the Aussie) and now he had to add another to the team. The team he didn’t want. The team he was pretty adamant on not having.</p><p> </p><p>Cuddy let him hold the interviews, which was a mistake in itself. He held them, he hated them. He judged them quickly, asking them stupid questions, and making up bullshit right answers and hiring no one. Eventually, Cuddy came in and told him he needed to hire someone, and gave him four people to choose from.</p><p> </p><p>He chose the immunologist, Cantaloupe or something like that. She was the prettiest, and really, he hoped that she would distract him from the intensivist sitting across from him. That stupid blonde, with his stupid smile, and his stupid hair. Fucking idiot.</p><p> </p><p>The day that Cantaloupe was supposed to come in, for some reason, Chase came in early. So, when House walked into his office at 8:45 a.m. and saw Chase sitting in the outer office he was suspicious. “You’re here early,” he barked. Chase looked up from the newspaper in his hand.</p><p> </p><p>“Stayed at a friend's last night. Was closer to the hospital than my place,” Chase responded. House could tell that the friend was probably a girl he picked up at a bar the night before. House ignored the sting of jealousy that went through his spine.</p><p> </p><p>“Look at the little platypus getting some.” Chase rolled his eyes at House’s teasing. “I’m so proud of him growing up.” Chase glared at the paper, mouth occupied with the pen and House’s brain now occupied with dirty thoughts of Chase.</p><p> </p><p>“Piss off.” House didn’t think he could.</p><p> </p><p>“A new mini-me is coming today!” House grinned, now only excited at the thought of torturing a poor girl. Chase raised his eyebrows, and somehow he looked attractive doing that. “Make sure you play nice.”</p><p> </p><p>Chase scoffed. “I’m always nice.” He wrote down something quickly, returning the pen to in between his teeth. God damn Chase and that fucking oral fixation. “Didn’t realize you were hiring.”</p><p> </p><p>“Mommy’s orders.” House sat on the edge of the desk in the room. “Make me a coffee?” He asked. Chase’s eyes darted over to the coffee maker. </p><p> </p><p>“Already made.” House gave Chase an impressed look. He didn’t see Chase’s small grin. “I thought you didn’t listen to Cuddy…” Chase trailed off. House took a sip of his coffee.</p><p> </p><p>“I normally don’t,” He started, making an exaggerated sigh after taking his first sip. “Can’t let her know she’s my boss.” Chase nodded in understanding, chuckling at the joke. “However, I think she’d notice if I didn’t have an extra person on my team. Y’know? It’s one of those things that just might be noticeable.” </p><p> </p><p>“You could lie,” Chase offered. House looked at him in surprise. “Say they’re always running tests, or busy.” </p><p> </p><p>“Oh, I have taught you so well.” Chase looked up at House and grinned. House grinned right back. Cantaloupe apparently chose to come in at that time. The brown-haired doctor entered the room, causing them both to look at her.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re Dr. House,” she stuck out her hand for House to shake. He didn’t didn’t take it. She let it fall to her side. “I’m Dr. Cameron.” House nodded. Chase placed his crossword on the side.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, I see that you know little old me.” House told her. Glad she said her name, it’s clear that he didn’t remember it. “That’s Dr. Chase, our resident Brit.” Chase looked up at him, giving him a dark look.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m Australian,” He reminded for the tenth time that week. Weird, considering it was Wednesday. </p><p> </p><p>House shrugged. “Same difference, wombat. Don’t get your knickers in a twist.” Chase shrugged him off, getting up and shaking Cameron’s hand. Cameron’s eyes darted between the two, observing the interaction. House guessed she was wondering if it was normal to have such conversations with your boss. Considering House told Cuddy he named her breasts (and he really did) and stared at her ass every time they were in the same room. She hadn’t fired him yet, so he wasn’t going to fire his ducklings if they spoke back to him.</p><p> </p><p>So to him, yeah, it was normal. </p><p> </p><p>“Nice to meet you.” He told Cameron, giving her his possibly award winning smile. She smiled back, her face softening as she got more comfortable. House grimaced, maybe she shouldn’t get that comfortable, he was still trying to get the platypus fired. </p><p> </p><p>“You too.” She took a seat next to him. Chase showed her the file that he had in front of him. A twelve year old with partial paralysis and headaches, the catch, she had SCID.</p><p> </p><p>House brought out the whiteboard, the marker in his hand being one of the only writing utensils without bite marks from Chase.  “So, what’s our case?” </p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Cameron turned out to be a pretty good addition to the team. She was smart, and kind. Too kind for House’s liking and he often found himself wanting to tease her and bully her for her compassion, but patients trusted her quickly. If House were a man who admitted his feelings, he would say he liked her.</p><p> </p><p>But, alas, he wasn’t. Instead, he settled on bullying her and Chase until they yelled at him. When they did, it was fun. His tiny bit of entertainment for the week. He still hadn’t succeeded in firing Chase, no matter how much he wanted to. Cameron had not helped with his little problem at all.</p><p> </p><p>Even more so now, he was just staring at Chase. Cameron was pretty, and she was a good doctor. But, she was sweet and kind and she made patients like her, and she got ruffled at his jokes quickly, she was like an insufferable little sister. Not that he would ever admit that.</p><p> </p><p>Chase was the one who had him distracted. He never showed it, but there were many nights spent getting off thinking about the wonderful things he could do to his youngest duckling. Still, he tried to ignore him as much as possible. But it was really hard when Chase was wearing pants so tight that House could practically see his ass.</p><p> </p><p>“Who’re you dressed up for?” House teased. Chase flicked House off at the question. He wasn’t dressed up, he was wearing <em> jeans </em>. “You getting hot ass tonight? You look like you’re going to be a stripper.” </p><p> </p><p>“House! You can’t just ask people that.” Cameron protested, disgusted at his vulgar tone of speech. House shrugged and looked to Chase who was drinking his coffee. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry, do you want me to ask you about your sex life too? I was under the impression you didn’t have one. I’m surprised you haven’t with how gorgeous your rack is.” Cameron glared with a huff, rushing to cover her breasts with her coat. “Besides, Chase doesn’t mind. Do you, wombat?” He looked up at the nickname, looking back down at his coffee two seconds later. Chase was silent for a second, Cameron taking that as a win for her hmphed at House.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey…” Chase cut her off, looking towards House, “I’m used to it. Spend eight months with him and you get accustomed to super personal questions about who you’ve slept with in the last three months.” </p><p> </p><p>“Speaking of who you’ve slept with in the last three months, mind giving me a steady number. I have a bet with Wilson.” House told him. Chase began counting on his fingers. Cameron gasped. </p><p> </p><p>“Chase! You better not actually tell him!” She shrieked. Cameron was always like that, always trying to keep Chase (and House for that matter) from being vulgar or doing reckless, stupid things. House wanted to snap back that just because she hadn’t slept with anyone in three months doesn’t mean that he can’t ask Chase. But, maybe that was just a little <em> too </em>rude. </p><p> </p><p>“Er- I believe it’s eleven.” Chase stated, ignoring Cameron’s qualms. House pumped his fist in the air, obviously having won the bet. “Give me ten percent of what you won though.” </p><p> </p><p>“I’ll give you five.” House brushed off Chase’s demands with a counter offer of his own. Cameron had started ignoring the two, turning to the patient’s file in front of her.</p><p> </p><p>“Nine,” Chase rebutted. House had won one hundred bucks, Chase would be getting nine of them. Far too many if you asked House. He shook his head, Chase threw his hands up in exasperation. </p><p> </p><p>“Seven.” Chase stared at House, hoping House would go higher. House shrugged, “Take it or leave it.” House stuck out his hand, which Chase shook. </p><p> </p><p>“Deal.” House really didn’t think Chase would take that. He truly thought Chase would get frustrated and drop it. </p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Chase came into House’s office later that day. Cameron was off running an MRI, House sat on the corner of the desk, throwing the ball at the stone wall of the inner office. “Why’re you here?” He asked, his tone harsh.</p><p> </p><p>The ball hit the ball weirdly and landed at Chase’s feet. Anyone else, House would’ve moved and grabbed it from them, but instead he just motioned for Chase to throw it back. Chase did, with a soft smile plastered on his already flawless face.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m here to collect my seven percent.” House raised his eyebrows, Chase came all the way here for seven percent? Seven dollars? Although Chase really didn’t know he was only getting seven dollars.</p><p> </p><p>“You couldn’t have asked me later? Or tomorrow?” Chase chewed on his lower lip, becoming almost bashful for a couple seconds. House looked him up and down, wordlessly doing a DDX on him. His hands were in his pockets, that was normal. His posture was more slumped, as if he was curling in on himself. His cheeks were slightly pink and his eyes downcast. He was embarrassed! Over what, House didn’t know, but he could definitely pry it out of the wombat. “You’re here to ask me something else.” </p><p> </p><p>“Fine, you caught me,” Chase admitted. House went a couple steps closer to Chase, “I still want my money though.” House rolled his eyes, fishing into his wallet and pulling out seven bucks. </p><p> </p><p>“Aren't you rich?” House teased, he held it above Chase’s head, watching as Chase reached to grab them. “Why do you want this money?” Chase huffed. He grabbed it from House, giving him a dark look. </p><p> </p><p>“It takes a lot of effort to find girls to sleep with, House.” House shrugged, he just hired hookers and called it a night. “I deserve to be paid for it.” </p><p> </p><p>House snorted. “That makes you sound like a prostitute. You’d be a mediocre prostitute.” Chase gave him a look of false offense. </p><p> </p><p>“I’d be an amazing prostitute,” Chase defended himself. House agreed, Chase would be an amazing prostitute, pretty and dreamy and seemed like he liked sex enough. </p><p> </p><p>“Whatever you say,” House ignored Chase’s start to his sentence to start speaking on his own. “Anyway, it can’t be that hard. What do you look for in a girl, Chase? What makes you tick?” </p><p> </p><p><em> Here goes nothing </em>. “Their boyfriends,” Chase deadpanned. House looked taken aback for a moment. Chase’s eyes widened. “I definitely shouldn't have told you that.” </p><p> </p><p>“You shouldn't have, you’re right.” House regained his footing. “I’m not complaining though.” Chase cocked his head to the side, mimicking a sad puppy. House had to lie to himself to say it wasn’t cute. </p><p> </p><p>“Why not?” Chase asked, House took a couple steps forwards, Chase didn’t move. It seemed he knew what was coming. </p><p> </p><p>“There's less of a chance you’ll file gor sexual harassment when I do this.” House leaned forwards and kissed the blonde. Soft lips finally getting touched after months of being begged to be kissed until bruised. One of House’s hands went to Chase’s waist, taking a dominating hold over the Australian. Chase latched on to House’s neck, fervently kissing back. </p><p> </p><p>The pulled away moments later, the kiss far too short for both of their likings. Chase’s cheeks were tinged red and with blown pupils and now slightly bruised lips. House smirked at his handiwork, “I’m definitely not filing for sexual harassment.” </p><p> </p><p>House waved him off, going behind his desk. “Yeah, yeah. It’s to be continued.” He popped a couple of Vicodin pills, sitting down in his chair. Chase nodded with his stupid grin. </p><p> </p><p>The two only looked up when they heard Cameron enter the room. “MRI’s clean.” She walked farther into the room. The two boys looked at her, waiting for her to elaborate. “Which means it’s not a tumor in the lungs.” </p><p> </p><p>“If it’s not a tumor what can it be?” House asked. Lung tumor had fit best. The ducklings looked at him. </p><p> </p><p>“The tremors and the loss of smell can be contributed to Parkinson’s,” Cameron offered. Except, Parkinson’s was too common in this case. Any doctor would have found that. Except, maybe they didn’t. House shook his head.</p><p> </p><p>“Do we know if she’s had a history of drug use, tremors could be from the car accident, but loss of smell and vomiting could be from cadmium poisoning,” Chase countered. </p><p> </p><p>House chewed on his lips wondering what to do. Cadmium poisoning was more likely but if it was Parkinson’s it would be boring. However, he would never hear the end of it. “Test for both,” he said finally. “Chase, interview the patient for drug use, Cameron after that take our patient to CT.” The two of them nodded, “Okay, now shoo.” He made a motion with his hand for them to get out. </p><p> </p><p>They started to walk out, House waited for Cameron to walk out first, “Dr. Chase.” Chase looked back, “This will be continued, my place, 8 p.m. I’ll send you the address.” </p><p> </p><p>Chase grinned and walked out the door. Just like that, House’s problem was gone. </p><p>
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thank you for reading! i hope you enjoyed! comments and kudos are greatly appreciated!</p><p>dm me on discord: olive tree#7924</p></blockquote></div></div>
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